The Fish Smell
Diary of a Young Man #56
I often wonder if making dinner for myself will ever get any easier. Every day the need to feed myself looms over me. I am blessed to have a relatively healthy relationship to food and my body (gender dysphoria aside) which is not a gift I take lightly. I’m also blessed to live in a food rich place with the resources to feed myself, another thing I don’t take lightly. Nonetheless, dinner time causes me immense anxiety.
I can look at a recipe and go pick up all the ingredients on the list. But I’m never good about thinking through the whole week. Will I be able to use these jalapeños in another recipe? Or will they wilt away in my fridge like all the other ingredients that stumped me? When I walk into the grocery store my mind goes blank. What do I even like to eat?
I recently bought an air fryer as a solution to my dinnertime crises. I, like many before me, love my air fryer. It has completely expanded my dinner menu. I’m making meatballs, breaded chicken cutlets, sweet potatoes and other friable foods.
The Monday before my special taping in June I was determined to have a nourishing week of meals. I decided to make fish tacos in the air fryer. They were simple, delicious, light, flavorful, filling. I texted my girlfriend Maddie and told her I’d solved my dinner crisis. I’m officially a fishmonger.
After I finished my meal, I cleaned up the kitchen, put the leftovers in the fridge and headed out for a show. Hours later I returned and was greeted at the door by the unmistakable odor of fish.
God damn it. The whole apartment smells like fish! I live in an older building (pre-war, which war? All of them?). The walls are thick and they hold everything - heat, humidity and of course, the smell of fish.
I texted my roommate, I’m so sorry for the smell. I put a fan in the kitchen hopefully that helps! The smell was subtle enough that if you were in the apartment for five minutes, you’d stop noticing it. But anytime I left and came back, it hit me again.
I left on Tuesday afternoon for Philly for my last road show before the special. I came back after midnight and was again accosted by the lingering fish smell.
I was starting to panic. My friend Shiv was coming to town the next day to direct my special and was staying with me. How embarrassing. Welcome to my home, hope you don’t mind the smell of Monday’s fish!
Wednesday morning I poured over reddit threads and articles about alleviating fish smells. I bought lemons, vinegar and a candle. I tried everything and the fish smell would not leave.
I couldn’t believe it. I just found a food I love to cook. A healthy, relatively inexpensive, convenient, easy food that I can never ever cook again.
When my friends Shiv and Vic arrived, I immediately got out ahead of it. SORRY FOR THE FISH SMELL I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN!
Vic offered that boiling cinnamon on the stove works to get rid of smell as it was the key to making weed brownies in a college dorm undetected.
I tried it and it definitely made the kitchen smell like cinnamon, but now the apartment smelled like cinnamon, lemon, vinegar, a cedar wood candle AND fish.
Now I was in my head. Do I smell like fish? Am I walking around with this fish smell on me? Am I going to tape my special tomorrow smelling like fish? Will the audience notice?
The morning after my taping, I woke up at 4am for a flight to LA for the LA premier of She’s The He. I stayed in LA for 4 days and returned to NY the following Tuesday - over a week since fish-gate.
I walked into my apartment. Fish.
Are you fucking kidding me!? STILL???
I was mortified. My poor roommate. I can’t believe I stunk up the whole apartment for over a week and left him with this stench. I apologized profusely and told him I’m never making fish again.
Back to the drawing board and the daily question: what to make for dinner? Something easy, something airfry-able and definitely something odorless.
NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026
8/21 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN
12/3 - RALEIGH, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED)
12/4 - RALEIGH, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED)
12/5 - RALEIGH NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED)
12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED)
North Carolina dates being moved because I’m going to a friend’s wedding :)
As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.
Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.
NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:
Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.
Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.
NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:
Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.
The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.
NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:
This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:
Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!
NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:
Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.
Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.
Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.
Valencia by Michelle Tea.
NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:
Heart the Lover by Lily King.
The Secret History by Donna Tartt.
The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.
NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:
Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.
The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.
Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.
NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:
Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.
Stoner by John Edward Williams.
LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.
Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.
My brother, I am so sorry. If I may share, I painted apartments for about a year. In Phoenix. And they like to leave the AC off to save money. Oh my god, THE CURRY. The grease around the stove takes around five coats to cover, so like twice the usual time on site, and the smell at 120 F made me avoid one of the world's best food genres for a long ass time. 😂