My friends and I have been playing a lot of pool recently. Some are calling it a habit, I’m calling it a hobby. I don’t exactly remember how we got hooked. I just know there was a time before pool and everything since. My girlfriend’s lesbian sorority friends were playing a lot, so they got us into it. But sometime after that we got really into it.
I know we’re becoming snobs about it because last night Jessie and I went to a bar near her house because we thought the table was free. The table was lopsided and cost $2 in quarters. I heard myself say we should go. I’m not paying $2 for rips in the carpet. We also discussed joining a queer pool tournament at Ginger’s Lesbian Bar, but Jessie said I don’t think we’ll get much time on the table. Maddie said, maybe that’s not the point. So yeah, maybe its a habit and a hobby.
Jessie on the table, Spring 2026
We’ve learned a lot about pool in the last 5 months. Its a quintessential bar game in that the rules change bar to bar, player to player, table to table. Passed down via oral tradition and rules scribbled on chalk boards. We’ve also learned a lot about the people who play pool. Mostly men.
I tend to avoid straight cis men. They’re not my cup of tea. I find them generally uninteresting, rude, entitled and loud. Especially when they’re playing pool and drinking. Most of my friends are women so we are often the target of straight men who want to give their opinions on how we should be playing. I feel survivor’s guilt every time I watch a straight man try to tell my girls how to shoot. She’s played 100 games in the last five months, she knows how to do this! As a dude I am able to avoid their input, but not their B.O.
The ideal situation for an evening of pool is an empty bar with no one else vying for a spot on the table. My friends and I are free to play each other, enjoy our company, chat freely. The worst situation for an evening of pool is a crowded bar where a lot of people want to play. This tends to attract straight men who are venturing from Murray Hill into Brooklyn for the first time. These types of guys often want to call their shots before they hit them, meaning if something goes in by accident it doesn’t count. A rule you can play by, but we find it more fun to let unintended shots count because we care about whimsy.
Jessie is between jobs and I’m a standup comedian with a weird schedule, so she and I have been spending a lot of time on the tables. She starts her new job next week, so we’re busting balls left and right. We’ve both really enjoyed getting better at something completely meaningless.
Monday night we played 1v1 for 90 minutes. You wouldn’t believe the confidence you can build with that kind of uninterrupted play and a few Modelos. We decided to find a tournament. Its time to put our skills to the test. We found this website straight out of 2007 which shows a map of all pool tables in the city and pool tournaments. We found one in our area and made plans to attend.
Jessie and I have spent the last five years in New York showing up to bars and signing up for comedy open mics. We’re no strangers to dive bars full of men. But I felt jittery and anxious for the first time in a while as we stepped up to the sign up sheet. $10 entry fee with a chance to win $100. Jessie and I were slotted in the last game of the first round of the tournament.
The first game featured a lesbian couple, which seemed promising. They were good, but lost on a late shot. The second game featured a middle aged guy and a younger person who seemed like an egg to me. An egg for those who don’t know is a trans person who hasn’t come out yet (hasn’t cracked their egg). They were wearing a Phantom of the Opera shirt which to me is a trans musical. Maybe an essay on that sometime soon. I wanted to approach them and say hey I love your shirt. I love Phantom. But I got nervous.
The next game was a father-son duo and two very intense looking players, probably in their 20’s. The more outspoken of the two was walking around like he owned the place. I always love seeing a beta guy strut around in a very specific environment where he’s claimed dominance/alpha status. Like watching the leader of the nerdy group in high school in his element. He came with his own stick and wore a glove on his left hand. I later saw him walking around with a Modelo in a koozie. I guess he believes in protecting everything from the elements. There was another guy with just finger gloves. Yes, you read that right. Not fingerless gloves. Just the fingers. I turned to Jessie and said I think we just found the next lesbian sex toy.
Crush shows up to your house in this wyd???
The guy running the tournament was nice and organized. He ran the 30-second shot clock like the marines. I appreciated it as we were the last game of the first round. During the father-son vs gloved beta game the tournament organizer was talking to someone then looked back to realize the father only had 7 seconds left and he didn’t give him a 10 second warning. So he yelled out 8 seconds. During the next turn the gloved guru was lining up his shot and the father drunkenly yelled 8 seconds to heckle him. He stood up and said wow, that’s really messed up man. The father was so surprised, he thought he was being fun. He didn’t realize this is serious. Two turns later the father scratched on the 8 ball for an automatic win for the betas. The outspoken one started yelling that’s karma! The father was trying to tell the organizer he was just messing around, when the organizer wasn’t interested in placating, the father changed his tune and said well it was just so harsh to say 8 seconds, if you said 10 seconds I would have been fine with it. I was sitting there thinking buddy you actually had 7 seconds. The organizer was being generous. See, this is why I find straight cis men difficult. We went on such an emotional rollercoaster over nothing as three men spoke past each other, none able to drop their egos for long enough to settle the situation.
It was finally our turn. I was so anxious. All these people watching, I hope I don’t make a fool of myself. We played two nice straight guys. Nice because they weren’t obnoxious and I didn’t talk to them for long enough to learn otherwise. We held our own and the game was close, but we lost with two of our balls left on the table. Out in the first round!
We grabbed our things and headed back to our usual watering hole. The table was wide open. I turned to Jessie, one more game? Okay, maybe it is a habit.
SONG OF THE WEEK:Come as You Are by Nirvana
This is my angsty dive bar pool song. This is the soundtrack to me wiping the floor with men who wear pool gloves. Imagine me and Jessie sulking into a bar of straight dudes to the opening bass line.
As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.
Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.
NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:
Valencia by Michelle Tea. A very fun novel about a young lesbian living in San Francisco in the 90’s. I love reading something that feels modern and like I’m reading about one of my friends while also feeling grounded in the fact that this was how queer people were living 30 years ago. I find reading queer history or queer fiction really helps me feel like things will be okay. We’ve always been here, we’ll always be here. If you’re looking for a story about messy, early 20’s, queer romance and friendship check this one out!
Pool is something i've just accepted I'll always be bad at but it's so fun
I think this is a sign to get my lesbian bffs to start playing pool with me ...